my future home

this is the sort of place i can see myself living- with a few modifications to make it a bit homier, and cuter (paint it white? plant millions of flowers outside of it? decorate differently inside?). anyway, i suppose there's plenty of time to figure out those details. check it out- the best part is the video farther down in the article.

the tiny house

enjoy. ponder. dream.

stuck

in the application i am working on right now, it asks me, "if there were no restrictions upon you, what would you most like to do in your life, and why?"
this should be an easy question, no? well, i am at a standstill. i can think of a few, very ambiguous or cliche responses, but they just don't feel right. i can't seem to figure it out. i don't feel like this should be that hard.
it's probably good that i can't ask someone else to answer this for me, or i might try.

happy birthday, dad

this guy is a pretty great one. i mean, the pictures say it all- he dances, he sings, he grills, he laughs, he eats, he reads the newspaper, he loves his family...what more could you ask for? well, actually, he is a whole lot more than these pictures depict. he teaches me to do what i love and to be a well-informed citizen. he teaches me to value my education and summer days. he teaches me humility and respect. he teaches me to be sarcastic and to take my work seriously, but leave room for fun. he teaches me how to pump up my bike tires and to love football and basketball. he teaches me loyalty to wisconsin teams and family and friends. he teaches me to form my own opinions and that reading is an enjoyable and perfectly good way to spend one's time. and today, after 4 years of being away on september 9, i finally get to be here for this special day that celebrates the guy that he was, is, and is still becoming. happy birthday, dad (or, should i say "mr. wonderful" ;). i love you so much.

frustrating things

things i spend too much time doing:
sleeping in late
going online
thinking about other things i need to be doing while i'm doing one thing
being distracted by the tv
spending money

things i spend too little time doing:
filling out applications
calling friends that i miss dearly
reading
planning upcoming adventures
going to bed early (well, at a decent hour)
writing people letters/cards
writing....for me
taking pictures
collaging

ok, i'm done ranting now. awareness is the first step to changing, right?

summer is over

the wind is biting and the sky is gray. seems to be a bit of a preview of the fall. it has left me feeling a little unsettled and seeking comfort today.

.........

dogfish

some kind of relaxed and beautiful thing
kept flickering in with the tide
and looking around.
black as a firsherman's boot,with a white belly.

if you asked for a picture i would have to draw a smile
under the perfectly round eyes and above the chin,
which was rough
as a thousand sharpened nails.

and you know
what a smile means,
don't you?

*

i wanted the past to go away, i wanted
to leave it, like another country; i wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
i wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; i wanted to know whoever i was, i was

alive
for a little while.

*

it was evening, and no longer summer.
three small fish, i don't know what they were,
huddled in the highest ripples
as it came swimming in again, effortless, the whole body one gesture, one black sleeve
that could fit easily around
the bodies of three small fish

*

also i wanted
to be able to love. and we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

slowly

*

the dogfish tore open the soft basins of water

*

you don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
i don't want to tell it, i want to listen
to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

and anyway, it's the same old story--
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

mostly, i want to be kind.
and nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.
and nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.

*

and look! look! look! i think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.

*

and probably,
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,

they can do it.

~mary oliver

.....
etc

the boy of summer

it seems i am still getting used to this whole blogging thing and how to keep it going in a fluid motion. i have a surge of energy and pour so much of myself into it for a few days (almost to an overwhelming degree) and then i wait a few months till i write again. sigh. oh well. someday i'll figure it out. or not. we'll see. at any rate, i'm back again.
for the most part, i have been spending my time with a lovely young man....probably not the kind of young man you are thinking of- perhaps a little younger, but he has been just the young man i have needed this summer. i mean, just look at the kid- can you resist any of those looks?



i certainly can't. don't get me wrong- we have our "up" days, and our "down" days, but i just love this little guy. see that picture of him looking out onto the water? he could sit like that for hours, just watching the boats, the ducks, the people and (sadly for our lakes) the garbage float by- just talking about it, using his imagination to carry him maybe just a few feet to a boat he sees out on the lake, or perhaps light years away to an infamous star wars planet. and on tired days (which occur much more than i would like), i will admit- his pretend games and his imagination and his constant pulling me in with a multitude of questions (often his way of conversing) are exhausting. but on those rare not-so-tired days, or those tired days in which i happen to feel a sudden burst of energy, i see what i am missing when a big part of me is simply yearning for a nap most of the day. his questions are earnest, asking for reassurance and also for understanding. his thoughts are interesting and imaginative. he remembers every little story you tell him. i just wish so badly i could be inside his brain sometimes....we're driving in my car, listening to "hip hop" of course- his first request when we enter the car- and out of the blue he asks "was your roof leaking? did the water drip on molly in her bed? did the worker guys fix it?" what in the world made him think of this story just then? i may never know. he seeks categorization in this complicated world, and i totally get that. wouldn't it be simpler if people were just "good" or "bad"? but, as i think his many questions indicate, he is starting to realize not much about the world is simple. he teaches me patience, openness, a new perspective, questioning, the power of words, the power of actions, the power of choice, imagination....
anddd with that, i will say good night. good night moon- you sure are bright and full tonight. it's reassuring.

the odyssey: part 3 (continued)

here is some video documentation of leah's and my thoughts throughout the escapade of trying to reach the redwoods. we definitely took the road less traveled. enjoy....hope you get some laughs out of these...just click on the links!

redwoods video #1

redwoods video #2

redwoods video #3

redwoods video #4

anddddd.....that's all for now.

phew. that took a long time.