sea of clouds

today i'm in a sea of clouds. nothing i have done, or am doing, seems quite right in this light.

gregory boyle writes in his book tattoos on the heart:
(for those of you not familiar with his "language," or his book/work, he works in some of the most dangerous neighborhoods of L.A. where gangs and gang violence are prevalent, and his work is focused on bringing people out of gangs; a "homie" is a very close friend who respects you, would do anything for you....)

we still have to put our western minds in a headlock and wrestle them to the ground. we think "blemishes" are shortcomings. we think our continually gnarly hardwired responses are not just proof of our humanity but (somehow) of our unworthiness. Homies are particularly culpable here. In an acute gangster version of the stockholm syndrome, homies identify with, and grow attached to, their weaknesses and difficulties and burdens. you hope, in light of this, to shift their attention and allegiance to their own basic goodness. you show them the bright blue sky of their sacredness, and the are transfixed only by the ominous clouds. you stand there with them and encourage them to stare above and wait twenty minutes. "you are the sky," as pema chodron would insist. "everything else, it's just weather."

(.....and then later he writes....)

jesus says "you are the light of the world." i like even more what jesus doesn't say. he does not say "one day, if you are more perfect and try really hard, you'll be light." he doesn't say "if you play by the rules, cross your t's and dot your i's then maybe you'll become light." no. he says, straight out, "you are the light." it is the truth of who you are, waiting only for you to discover it. so, for god's sake, don't move. no need to contort yourself to be any different than who you are.

(end quote)

i am the sky. i am the light of the world. right now, even in this moment.