baffled

sometimes it baffles me how drastically different our lives can be from those we live right along side...the people we sit by on the bus, the people we walk by on the way to work, the people who live less than a mile from our house. i have always wanted to read the book "the other america," but haven't gotten to it yet. just tonight when i was thinking about this, i realized what a perfect title it is for a book discussing and bringing to light the poverty crisis in the united states. the most baffling thing is that "the other america" exists right in the middle of the america of plenty, the america of materialists and the america of more, more, more. we are human beings with eyes, and ears, and hearts, and minds...i just don't understand how there can be such disparity and so much, seeming, acceptance of this...i don't understand. i am not even really talking tangible things- those things don't do anyone that much good (well, OK, food definitely does a body good, but you know what i mean...). i guess maybe what i am talking about is people- people who listen, people who show concern, people who encourage, people who believe in other people- believe the best of other people! why are we so scared to be this kind of person? why are we so scared to listen? why can we only do it for our sister, our daughter, maybe our co-worker, or a good friend, but definitely not that guy on the bus with the dirty clothes? or that girl at work who has gotten pregnant 6 times before the age of 21? no, those people aren't to be trusted.

tonight i am wondering a lot...about why people are so scared, about what it is that makes us so disconnected, and about how in the world some people find the will to survive, and maybe even raise a happy baby or two, when they feel so, so alone.

today my heart was broken for a very scared, very alone momma.

what a crazy world we live in. i just don't understand it.

leah

"we sat side by side in the morning light & looked out at the future together."

-brian andreas

things looks better with leah by my side.

so happy she is here.

part of something beautiful

may the grace of god be with you always, in your heart,

may you know the truth inside you from the start,

may you find the strength to know that you are

a part of something beautiful...

-alexi murdoch, "something beautiful"

good days

good weekend with a dear friend.

she just left, and i realize now just how comforting and uplifting it was to have her here. there is something powerful about those relationships that run years and years back...ever since i can remember. and, well, when you move to a place where you know almost no one, there's something powerful in simply having someone here who knows you. so you can come back now, ok, maggie?

these october days my mind has returned many times to october of 2010, and where my mom and i were standing exactly one year ago at this time...mm, yes. those were good days.

the hard part

this is the hard part.

i know what i'm going back to. i know that there are many unhappy moments.



but still, i'll go. i'll go. and most likely, i'll survive.

for now

WARNING: this may be a bit melodramatic, but i've just got to say it...


i feel so strange right now.

sometimes the strangeness lifts and i can take a few deep breaths. other times i forget where i am for a moment or two. but i soon remember again.

all a part of the process.

all a part of the process.

"We, little sisters- like everyone else- have had to carve our path in the world."
-Little Sisters: The Last But Not the Least, Carolyn Lieberg

i'm working on it. these things take time.

sweet, sweet boy

this sweet, sweet boy- on my mind so much lately.

here is a wise old soul if i ever saw one.

sending him love, love and more love.