prayers

the boy in this article, ke'andre frazier, has been on my mind a lot lately. i can't imagine that an act like that is anything but a cry for help. i'm not really sure what to do when i hear stories like this. maybe, if you have a spare moment today, you could say a prayer for him, send him loving energy or thoughts, or whatever you are comfortable with. it doesn't feel like much, but i'm trying to remind myself that it is.

home

home home home. yes i am. and let me tell you, home is a strange place. and what is even stranger, is that home can feel strange. could anyone follow that?
day by day, though, it's beginning to feel less and less "wrong" to be here, and more and more just a temporary niche, of which i can make what i want. and i hope to make something unique of it.
today my mom and i spent the day at the farm with my grandparents. we did many good things- pulled weeds in the garden, sat in the sunshine, ate delicious food, conversed about current affairs, books and memories and let ourselves be mesmerized by the bright green of the ground and the soft blue of the sky (or maybe that last part was just me...). so good to be in that place, with those people.
tonight i am tired, very tired. and i was going to get so much done tonight...
and oh yes, before i go- for those who have patiently been awaiting the chronicles of mine and leah's journey home....well, stories are coming soon.
good night moon.

one more thing

also, i just thought i should share that it is absolutely unnecessary for any human being to have as many possessions as i do.

packing

i'm not ready to leave. i'm just not. this is really, really, really hard.



that's all.

filling in the gap

it's been a while...i do apologize to my avid readers (all two of you...). there has been quite a bit going on these past few weeks, and i feel a bit overwhelmed at the idea of trying to convey it all in a blog. so, i was thinking, why even try? anyway, i feel like most of you know what the last few weeks of college, graduation, etc. involves, right? suffice it to say i graduated (though i remember nothing about actually walking across the stage, except that i was definitely beaming when i was handed my [empty] diploma case), and did finally finish my internship portfolio.

in this past week or so of relaxing and contemplating my departure from ca, i have only once or twice felt pangs of guilt for not doing anything "productive," which i am pretty proud of myself for. a few mornings i even woke up and stayed in bed reading a book of my choosing...

lately i've just been getting this urge to write...i'm not sure what....but i have a hard time actually sitting down and doing it, because i have this feeling that it will take a while or, i will just need lots of time for that process. and i think i'm also nervous because it probably won't turn out how i want it at first....and i may not even understand why or what i'm writing until i get a little farther into it. it doesn't seem like that much of a commitment now that i'm writing this out, but for some reason i am a bit resistant to it. i have a feeling that resistance won't last much longer though. mary pipher writes in her book "writing to change the world":

"A writer's job is to tell stories that connect readers to all the people on earth, to show these people as the complicated human beings they really are, with histories, families, emotions and legitimate needs. We can replace one-dimensional stereotypes with multidimensional individuals with whom our readers can identify. In creating a world of I-thou relationships, writers can do much of the heavy lifting."

and she also quotes this wise man, james baldwin, as saying:

"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world...The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it."

i find those thoughts quite inspiring.

10 more days in azusa. very strange.

resist completion

i was just listening to some wonderfully calming and inspiring music....alexi murdoch, to be exact....and thought i saw a quote on the webpage that read "resist completion." after doing a double take, however, i realized that it really says "resist compression." but i liked my initial perception. it made me think. i don't ever want to be "complete," i don't ever want to expect to be "complete." i don't want to try to be "complete." what does that mean anyway? i just want to be, in this moment i am in. it seems only natural to have goals to meet, but i hope that i don't ever take those too far, and think that finally, at one point, i will have reached completion.

some highlights of my day:
1. talking to beautiful people at my church (who even gave me a graduation gift)
2. watching "away we go"....i highly recommend this movie if you haven't yet seen it
3. eating a delectable watermelon (that was only .17/lb)
4. sitting in a park on a breezy sunday afternoon, celebrating cinco de mayo (yes, on the 2nd of may), listening to a mariachi band with some wonderful people

and now...i'm off to take a run before the sun sets completely... it may just become another highlight...

it's been a good day.

have you ever

photo credit: flickr

"have you ever" by brandi carlile

have you ever wandered lonely through the woods?
and everything there feels just as it should
you're part of the life there
you're part of something good
if you've ever wandered lonely through the woods
if you've ever wandered lonely through the woods

have you ever stared into a starry sky?
lying on your back you're asking why
what's the purpose I wonder who am I
if you've ever stared into a starry sky
have you ever stared into a starry sky?

have you ever been out walking in the snow?
tried to get back to where you were before
you always end up not knowing where to go
if you've ever been out walking in the snow
if you'd ever been out walking you would know