open hands

in almost one month, i will be graduating from college. let me tell you, it is nothing short of terrifying. nope. honestly, i thought i was immune to this- if you were to ask me at the beginning of this school year if i would be scared to graduate, i would not have hesitated to say "no!" well, now i am eating my words. don't get me wrong- if you were to tell me that i had to stay in school another year, or even another semester, i'm pretty sure i would cry....it's just...it's a pretty indescribable sort of experience. i have been in school ever since i can remember. but terrifying does not mean bad. as the wise brett dennen writes in one of my favorite songs of his "don't be afraid should things happen to change; 'cause change can be a beautiful thing; should things fall apart, be patient like a rainbow; life is loving and letting go" so, i guess that's what i'm about to do- let go of something i have become very accustomed to. something that has been a major influence in how i see the world now. but that means i will have open hands....and open hands are a good thing. open hands are ready for whatever comes at them. open hands are searching, but not grabbing. open hands can feel the cool breeze blow across them. and one day, those open hands will find something new to grasp.
it is infinitely comforting, too, in the beginning of what i am anticipating to be a somewhat lengthy transition time, to know that i have family and friends like i do who are just the support i need. they don't push me and they don't hold me back. their arms are open for me when i need them, but they let me go when i am ready for that, too. their words and their actions affirm me. i am so very lucky.
and this is a good reminder, too, from "big strong girl" by the weepies:
"hold out for the moon
don't expect connection anytime soon
feel the light caress your fingertips
you have just begun
the word has only left your lips
maybe in time, you will find
your arms are wrapped around the sun"